How to level up in your video game of life…
As anyone who has experienced remarriage understands, life changes — and with those changes come new challenges.
One of the most unexpected ones is friendship.
When we bring a new partner into our lives, we hope our friends will honor that choice.
Sometimes they do.
Sometimes they don’t.
And once in a while, they just won’t.
In our earlier relationships, many of us form friendships with other couples. There’s a specific dynamic to those relationships — a kind of chemistry “per se” built on who we were and what our lives looked like at that time. Those friendships made sense in that season.
But when we change partners, that chemistry can change, too.
Sometimes it’s a clash of values. Sometimes it’s discomfort. Sometimes it’s a combination of things that are hard to name. And sometimes, couple friendships simply don’t work because friends don’t connect with the new partner — or don’t want to. When that happens, it creates hurt feelings and resentment, even when no one intends harm.
What we really want is simple: for our friends to accept the choices we’ve made and trust that they were made thoughtfully.
Real friendships don’t disappear overnight. They evolve and rebuild. They stay connected to the primary relationship — the person, not the version of their life that existed before. Still, some friendships slowly fade because new partners don’t always fit into old dynamics, and not everyone is willing to adjust and adapt.
Which brings me to the next level: children.
When we remarry, we don’t just gain a spouse, we gain a family. And yet the language we use doesn’t reflect the reality of that bond. The word “step” feels outdated. It minimizes how significant those children truly are. A “step” implies distance, something secondary, when in truth these children become part of our new nuclear family.
When you remarry, your spouse’s children aren’t an extension of your life. They become a part of it. The love that grows there is real and intentional. We don’t love them “less than.” Oftentimes, we love them very deeply.
For couples who have never experienced divorce or remarriage, this can be difficult to understand. Their frame of reference is different. But hurt feelings surface when that love isn’t recognized — when bonus children are treated as optional, or as something to be worked around rather than embraced.
Friendship, at its core, is about growth. It’s about making room for the people we love as their lives evolve. It’s about accepting our friends’ choices, welcoming their families in all their forms, and understanding that love doesn’t need qualifiers to be real.
This means: accepting the partner we chose, accepting the family that comes with the new partner, and accepting the bonus kids as exactly that: actual family.
Because leveling up in life means new challenges, yes… but it also asks the people around us to level up, too.
And to the friends who have done this, the ones who showed up with open hearts, open homes, and open minds, this is a thank you.
Thank you for embracing change instead of resisting it. Thank you for welcoming new partners, new children, and new dynamics without hesitation or judgment. Thank you for loving fully, adapting graciously, and reminding us what real friendship looks like.
And that kind of friendship is everything.
Top level, in fact.
That’s my Reveal for the week.
Love,
Karin
If this blog resonated with you, you can receive pieces like this weekly in your inbox. Complete the pop-up form and subscribe today!
